Conflict will come to every business owner so learning how to resolve these conflicts is critical to becoming successful by Gary Shotton #000235

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Conflict Resolution

By Gary Shotton

               Hello, my name is Gary Shotton and I am here with you as a part of Inspiring Better Business. Today I’m going to talk to you about the subject of “Resolving Conflict”.  Man if you’re in business for any length of time or if you’re just in life you’ve got to admit there’s going to be conflicts. Learning how to resolve those or how to get through those or how to go on with life when you do have a conflict. It’s going to be crucial for your success as a business owner. I’m not talking about just something that’s wrong, but when you know that somebody on the other side of the fence on the other side of the business deal is upset with you. That’s what I mean by conflict and how are you going to resolve that, how are you going to go on with life I guarantee. It will happen it’ll probably happen several times a year, if not several times a month. If you’re in business actively now first of all number one I believe that you pretty well know when there’s a conflict, but if you don’t you know just being around that person you’re going to feel uncomfortable with them or they’re going to feel uncomfortable with you. They may avoid returning a phone call or they may avoid being with you at a different time when it’s normal to be with you and I think you’re smart enough to know and pretty well.

Pick up when somebody does not appreciate something that is happening, and you are in conflict maybe no words have been said. But at that point you know something’s wrong you better be sharp enough to pick that up and maybe put yourself purposely in that person’s presence to see whether or not they are maybe holding a grudge against you for some reason. So knowing it, is going to be the first step in resolving it all occasionally you might have something happen out of the blue. Somebody comes up and you’re just so surprised that they’re really upset with you but that’s not normally the case. Number two I believe that the earlier you deal with something the better it’s, not going to go away typically some people take the approach that they just bury their head in the sand or they’re going to believe it goes away. And still years later that individual that you were in conflict with is holding that against you. Or holding that inside themselves it’s hurting them as much as you know the earlier address at the better and I think you’re responsible to go forward to address it.

In a professional way that is what I am suggesting do you know somebody that conflicts with you? now are you afraid to go talk with them do you feel uncomfortable around them? just think about that how are you going to resolve that. Well when you get into it, I’m going to give some examples of how something happened just recently. But when you start talking about the conflict you might start out with something like, I noticed that we’re not really hitting it, off some so well is there something that’s bothering you? or was that deal that we don’t talked with a couple weeks ago. Is that settled or is that behind you and me. Can we go on with life and you know what that right away they’re going to make give you an indication no everything’s fine I’ve just been busy it’s a little depressed on something else I forget about it. Everything’s fine well then you’re good but if that point you start talking about whatever happened to cause this conflict I encourage you not to dig down into the details you know digging down into the details is probably in my opinion just going to make it worse you’re going to hear things like well you said this.

And I said this and boy what you said was this you know who cares what was said at that time you are going to have to fess up. And say I’m sorry I apologize I come to you with an apologetic attitude to say what can we do to make it right. How can we get past this, I want to be your friend I want to be your business associate and I don’t want this conflict to be going on for long time. Let’s get it behind us what can we do to settle it, I’m encouraging you to be the one to come forward and address it. Once you know there’s a problem and then don’t relish and dig down into all the details take responsibility, that’s what I’m saying take responsibility to come forward and discuss the issues. And you know you might not feel like you’re at fault, you may have plenty of reasons to feel that you’ve been wronged but there’s no reason to let a business endeavor a misunderstanding to be a hardship that runs your friendship and runs your freedom to be around that person let me walk through some examples. This actually happened you won’t know the name, I don’t know her name but it was to do with somebody that was a friend of mine and that person did some work on a project that I had and you know it didn’t go well.

I was pretty upset to be honest with you, that it did not go well and that there was not an effort on that individual’s part to resolve that project and I ended up getting someone else to finish the job that another person had started. They didn’t finish the job I paid them in full the full invoice amount but, I was going to have to pay some extra to get what I feel need to be fixed that the other first individual did not accomplish and so I’m with this individual on a weekly basis. There’s a reason for us to rub shoulders, and I noticed this individual was holding their distance from me and I let it go for a couple weeks and then it would become obvious.  I said hey how’s it going and there wasn’t a reply and I approached, the person said listen what can we do to resolve this I apologized. Because we should have never got into this position, we should have never gotten to the position that any business thing is going to. Cause us to lose our friendship lose association and so let’s resolve this with the reality that I could have done things differently, and I’m happy and pleased to apologize for has got us to this point.

I did not actually necessarily say I believe that this other vigil the individual was right. I was wrong but for sure the way I handled it got us to this point and it was delicate for a bit and this person then came a made an appointment came to the office. And I knew he wanted to dig into the mud and the details and I said you know why would we dig into it. I’m sorry let’s go on let’s forget about it, let’s be friends let’s go on with life that’s what I suggest. The Word of God has something to say about this as well in Romans 12:18 it says if it is possible as much as depends on you live peaceably with all men. That says it all well I’m going to do a little meddling here when it comes to just you and your spouse. if you’re married I’ll tell you what if there’s not a reality of if you’re working in business with your wife or your husband your spouse there’s going to be conflicts between the two of you and I can remember sometimes this happened to be years back.

I am not saying I am do not have any more conflicts but I’m getting a little better at it. I was so mad at my wife, I could hardly see straight for whatever happened, I don’t remember what happened. It doesn’t matter I was upset and we happen to go to bed that night and we’re laying there and you could have cut the tension in the air. Because we’re not touching each other we’re a distance apart, we’re not saying anything and with everything in me. It took all the guts I had to say Cindy I’m sorry I’m wrong the way I handled that situation, was totally ineffective totally wrong. I asked you to forgive me would you forgive me? and you know what just like a balloon popped the tension left I had handled it wrong. There’s no question you’ve handled it wrong if you allow any conflict come to the point that you’re going to disrespect each other, disassociate with each other pesos take responsibility for it. Do it quicker rather than later don’t relish in the details don’t dig back oh you said something 14 days ago or 14 months ago are you five years ago I know people that they’re still mad at somebody.

Seven years later they have not talked to them and their family that should not be so, I encourage you to conflict resolution is a critical issue in dealing with business. You just well get kind of good at it because you’re going to have some conflicts. I’m just telling you, you’re going to have conflicts you just well practice and the more you practice the better you’re going to get at it. And I don’t mean to be just humble pie and take a beating and be overly humble and be walked on, I’m not saying that you. Know if you handle it correctly and that person will not forgive you that’s on their shoulders that’s up to them and you know that might be a friendship you do want to distance yourself from. if you’re dealing with somebody in that regard well I hope this helps you, I hope this has beneficial hope you enjoy inspiring better business. We’re here to help you we believe by sharing base truth that’s going to face all of us no matter where we are, what continent. We’re in what language you speak what culture were from we’ll all have conflicts and we just as well learn how to deal with them thank you very much.